First Draft, Artist Statement:

Me holding on to my mother.

I began photographing during my adolescence when my pictures often spoke for me. I used my camera as a tool to communicate ideas and thoughts that were difficult to write or talk about. Taking pictures and working in the dark room provided much needed peace and solace during my high school years. Over time I have continued to photograph images that will allow me to examine human relationships, family and children. The joy and wonder I feel while photographing is like no other feeling I have ever felt. I always have a camera with me, like a devoted friend.

I look for opportunities with my subjects where they don’t realize there is a camera present, that moment where the camera disappears. And they feel comfortable enough to reveal themselves. I have taken to using a 1950’s Kodak Brownie Hawkeye flash camera, with 120 film. I find that when I bring this camera out of my bag my subjects relax and do not feel as if I am aiming an ominous black digital camera at them. It usually makes for a very relaxed and fun shoot.

My current work explores Nanny’s and the children they care for. Initially I began to examine the employee as the “Other Mother”. However soon after my first shoot the strong bond and attachment between these nannies and the children became more obvious and important to the study. While exploring these relationships I am also attempting to define my own role as mother. I am currently faced with a life change, where my daughter has begun college and the examination of maternal bonds has challenged me to reflect inward on my identity.

Nanny Art?

Frankly, this is the shot I imagined my entire study was going to look like. A classic portrait of a well dressed young child on the lap of a culturally different caregiver in a lovely home with some nice soft light brushing their heads. But now that I have taken it I ask... Is it art? The question stays with me where ever I go, every time I take out my camera. In context with the other Nanny Pix I think this is great, however does it stand alone? Does it tell a story? I do like the disconnect between the child and Nanny, The color of the room and overall green glow is nice. I guess the jury of my peers will be the true test.

Alter Ego's

When you were a kid who did you dream of being? Halloween is the perfect time to "dress up" and pretend. But have you ever noticed kids that just can't seem to take off the costume even after Halloween is over. You see them in stores and restaurants with their parents still dressed up, long after Halloween. They seem to take on the persona, or alter ego of a superhero or princess. This might be a study for me next semester.

Quatro Nanny!!!!

Yes I do mean four. I found a family with four Nannies, and only three kids. This might seem strange to you however they all take turns and rotate shifts so it works out quite well. They invited me over to shoot the clan and it was great! They usually aren't there at the same time but because it was the day before Thanksgiving, there was quite a bit to do. With food prep and getting the house ready for the guests. The Mom, Lauren, came in mid way through the shoot and surprised the Nannies with Red William and Sonoma red chicken aprons. Their names were embroidered on the front. I did this group shot...

Wayne Thiebaud

Sunday afternoon I went with my daughter to see Wayne Thiebaud. At the Laguna Art Museum.
http://www.lagunaartmuseum.org/current_exhibits.html
It was inspiring! The show was amazing but to hear him talk was wonderful. He spoke for about an hour about so many things. One thing he mentioned was how painting was very much like humans. The ultimate product is like the skin of a person, and the build up or what is underneath is like the soul and bones of the person. It seems like he is very interested in the final product. The application of paint is critical. He is so good at light and form. I have always been a huge fan of his work and for me It was a thrill to meet him.

California is Burning

For all my friends in other states, I wanted to let you know that as of today the 23 of October I am fine. I have lived in CA my entire life, I am a Southern California native. I have been here through every major earthquake, flood mud slide and fire and you never think it will happen again or it will be as bad as the last one. But these are...I live in Laguna Niguel, just midway between the two large of Irvine and San Diego. Yesterday we had smoke in the sky all day, hot dry winds blew all day and dust and ash covered the cars, my house and the school where I work. We did not let the kids go outside to play(poor teachers). My house is not in immediate danger, but with the extreme dry air no one is really safe. Pray the wind stops.

Before & After

I joined a Flickr group called BHF Brownie Hawkeye Flash. Apparently there are more artsy Box Brownie folks out there like me. I entered this months challenge, and I chose Before and After as my theme. I just thought I would share these images, it could lead to more.

Opinions Please !

Greetings art lovers, I have a request...
My advisor and my mentor and I have discussed the

difference of images shot in black and white and color.

I have included the two above for discussion and would love to hear from you all.

Basically I am interested in knowing if the same effect is achieved in color as well as b/w.

Is one a stronger image?

Please give me your 2 cents.
THANK YOU !!!
Mary

Making Progress !

http://www.flickr.com/photos/25688866@N00/sets/72157602125360977/

This is a link to my most recent nanny pix.
I do believe I am making progress...

Taking the focus off the formal portrait gave me permission to really see the relationships, bonds and attachments these people have. Hopefully the new photos capture more of the feeling.

Nanny Notes 2:

My second soot went very well, I arrived at the house and realized this Nanny was really looking forward to the shoot. I found her at school where she works mornings in the wee Tartans baby care center for faculty children. I found out the first week of school that she has been a Nanny to this family for about 11-12 years, caring for three girls. So I did not have to go through the parents to do this shoot. Nanny 2 arranged it all and was very much in control. We started int he yard, as it was a good spot once again the lighting was good, nice landscaping, the girls were really cute and VERY cooperative. By the end we went inside and sat in the family room, which lead to some nice comfortable candids, low light digital. I switched up the film this time and took some B/W with the Kiev and color in the box brownie.
Observations so far:
The Nanny's are VERY proud of the kids
the kids are very loving and trusting to their Nanny's
Nanny's are honored I asked to do this
Don't think they ever sat for a shoot like this
they seem to want a formal portrait

I am feeling very humble and honored to be allowed to peek into the intimate lives of these families.

September Paper.

I began this semester with a week in Santa Fe New Mexico at the Santa Fe Workshops. I had signed up for an advanced alternative process workshop with Christopher James. However, after 10 days in residency at AIB I was feeling a bit drained and was not looking forward to another week away from home. Luckily, I was unable to change my plans and I flew back west and dove into the week with enthusiasm and a deep need to create art... not talk about it. This was a very creative time for me and opened up some very good dialogue with fellow workshop artists as well as some very helpful critique by Christopher James. On the technical side, the workshop this year provided a large HP printer where we were able to make large pictorico neg. for contact printing. I was able to do a three color separation and create a gum bichromate print in three passes. I really love the effect of applying three or four colors separately to create a total image. We also worked with albumen prints, salt prints and were treated to an afternoon of carbon printing at the Bostic and Sullivan shop. I continued to explore pinhole photography with a polaroid back and digital photography with pictorico neg. That week in Santa Fe, although not directly related to this semester’s study reminded me how satisfying it is to produce images with your hands. It is so rewarding to apply the sensitizer to the paper and watch it burn an image in the sun, then run to the darkroom and splash it in the developer. I feel so connected, and in control of the finished product. There is an organic feeling for me, that takes place with old methods and practices of film and negatives. A slowing down of the current speed in which images are created today. In On Photography, Susan Sontag writes:
“Not using fancy equipment has been a point of honor for many photographers - including Weston, Brandt, Evans, Cartier-Bresson, Frank - some sticking with a battered camera of simple design and slow lens that they acquired early in their careers, some continuing to make their contact prints with nothing more than a few trays, a bottle of developer, and a bottle of hypo solution.”
I can totally relate to this passage in her book. It is why I have become “slightly obsessed” as my daughter says, with my Brownie Hawkeye film camera. While I was waiting for families to return from summer events and travel so that I could shoot my nanny pictures,I focused my attention on shooting quite a few rolls of 120 film with my Brownie Hawkeye. The beautiful uncoated glass lens and fixed focus of this little box camera is amazing to me. I have become very good at predicting the point of focus and surprise myself each time I look at a roll that comes back from the lab. Garry Winogrand has a great quote in On Photography which is “I photograph to find out what something will look like photographed.” This is exactly what I do with my Box Brownie. I take pictures of anything and everything just so that I can see that image through the eye of my obscure little camera. With the Brownie Hawkeye I created three series of photographs, one at the Orange County Fair, one at the beach, and one at a historic automobile show. I have 30 or more images in each series, and I was expriementing with laying them out in a grid. I have two sections of the grids shown in my blog. While the squares are only three across I envision the pieces larger at maybe seven or eight across and down. Ultimate size being about 24”X36”.

While in Santa Fe I met my mentor, Frank Ockenfels. I approached him the last night there and he agreed to work as my mentor this semester. I had my first meeting with him in LA and we discussed my Nanny Project. He was very helpful in the early stages of conception and I will meet with him this week to show him my work.
I originally thought of this study at the end of last semester while reading The Familial Gaze. I discovered a chapter on the family photos of the early 1900’s where Nannies and caregivers were photographed with the children they cared for. I felt that living in this affluent area I could find and photograph similar situations but in current settings. I started the ground work and the phone calls throughout July and just finished my first shoot. The family was wonderful. The mother informed me that they had employed their nanny for almost eight years. The bond between the children and their nanny was very strong and she was looking forward to the photo shoot. I was thrilled she understood my idea and concept, and was very relieved that my first shoot was with their family. I arrived at the house and was greeted by Libby, my art student, her brother Pearson (P for short), and Faustina, their nanny. I knew from the rambunctiousness of the kids that this would be a fast and furious photo shoot. I was right. I showed the children the variety of cameras I brought: Brownie Hawkeye, Kiev 88, 35mm Olympus, and the digital Nikon as a backup. We sat for a few minutes and I did some digital shots first to get them comfortable.(These are some of the best). Then we moved over to the pool and shot some posed portraits with the medium format camera. I knew as I was shooting I would have something nice, as I felt a closeness with them that I knew would come through in the photos. I had thought of trying for a formal portrait in the living room or a more stately room in the house but the outdoors seemed so comfortable for this lively group. Plus, the back yard was beautiful and the light was really nice. I knew right at one hour that I could not have the attention of the kids for one minute longer. I had the mom and Faustina sign their releases and off I went. When I examined the shots I was very happy. I could see the bond and caring touch in the photos, I hope it shows to others.
While preparing for this part of my study I looked at various photographer’s work, as recommended by my advisor Oliver. While the styles of Katy Grannan and Loretta Lux provide a stunning surreal stylized form of contemporary portraiture, I do not feel my nanny series will evolve to this level. I love some of the beautiful poignant up close faces Lorna Simpson has done. I fell like you are looking right into the souls of some of her subjects. Dana Hoey, Cindy Sherman and Taryn Simon have the keen ability to tell a story leaving plenty of room for the viewer to add their own view. Tina Barney has a remarkable style and errie way of showing familial tension and relationships. I was very impressed with her ability to arrange and pose the families she photographed. I am still in the experimental phase of this project and feel the next few families will help to get the look and feel I hope to convey throughout this semester. I am pretty sure the thread of connection between the families will be caring and nurturing. No political statement, alienation, or loss. Simply caring, protection and comfort.
I am very pleased so far with my direction, in shooting and the books I have read so far have been informative and directly relating to the craft and heart of photography. I still look for some slightly more insightful readings relating to the maternal connection. Possibly studies or works on domestic service throughout the early century as well as today.
I can’t wait to take more photos of the families. And now that school has started, I have a few more booked. I will post all new images as soon as I take them.



Books read:
On Photography; Susan Sontag
Letting Go of the Camera; Brooks Jensen
Why People Photograph; Robert Adams
Beauty In Photography; Robert Adams
Articles:
Aperture, Spring 2007: “Pieter Hugo’s Portraits”
ARTnews, June 2007: “The New Portrait”
US weekley, August 2007: “Britney’s Nanny Tells All.”

Up Next:
Forget Me Not:Batchen

Films:
Nanny Diaries
Nanny McPhee
Mary Poppins

Paper and Pictures.

Hawkeye Box Brownie Grids

Platinum Print / Santa Fe

Digital Photo / Salt print

Bostick & Sullivan Carbon Print Chairs

Gum Bichromate / 3 color separation

CyanoDyke

Albumen Print

A Good Beginning

• My first photo shoot went way better than I expected, I guess having two really adorable kids and a super sweet and cooperative Nanny helped. I arrived at the house and found them ready and willing to have some fun. The children were fun and I managed to shood a roll of 120 in my Kiev, a roll of B/W in my Brownie Hawkeye and a slew of digitals with my Nikon D70. Some things I learned from the first shoot are.
• One hour MAX, young kids will only cooperate for about 40 min.
• Bring a polaroid for some instant gratification.
• Save the silly stuff for the end, it is tough to reel in the kids.
• Work quickly.
• Learn Spanish.

I will write more about my feelings and thoughts in my paper, I wanted to get these images up on my blog.

First Roll With the KIEV 88

My two favorite people...Jake & Hallie

Shot with my new favorite Camera.

Nanny Drama...

I have begun work on my semester project of photographing Nannies, Caregivers and Au Pairs with the children they watch over, and I have hit my first wall. SUMMER, apparently everyone is out of town or on vacation or in many cases summer time is sort of "down time" in that biz. I have called at least 15 families that have kids I know from school as well as referrals and no one is available. I feel like when school starts things will be back to normal for many families. Fortunately this is just a few weeks away However I will be working full time and I won't have the same available hours. I am noticing an interesting phenomenon however and that is I think people don't really want others to see the relationship their children have with a non parent. It is curious I had a women cancel today because she just did not want any pictures taken of her son with his Nanny. Yesterday I had my eyes opened a bit when I called a family that was refferd from one of my young student's. She told me this summer, in summer school that their Nanny was also the Nanny for the X family. I phoned up Mrs. X and asked if I could take a picture of their Nanny and children for my school project. There was a very long silence and she said "I don't have a Nanny I only have a Housekeeper!" I told her I was sorry to infer any thing but my student Elizabeth had told me your family and her's share a woman. She then informed me, yes they do share a woman that watches Elizabeth and her siblings however she only cleans her house, and Mrs. X watches her own children. I think there is a level of guilt that enters into this scenario if you use HELP to raise your kids. I had not considered this to play into my project. I also think people can't visualize what I'm trying to do. I am going to set up a simple sheet or folded card stock with a set up image of my daughter and the little girl she babysits, and a brief description of what I want to do. I think when people see a color portrait they might be more inclined to participate.
While all this preparation is going on I have not been idle. I have been shooting a LOT of 120 film in my Box Brownie Hawkeye. I did a series at the Fair and it turned out very well. I did another series at the beach and I like it as much as the fair stuff. I will post it soon. The most sucess I have had to date is purchasing a medium format Camera on ebay. It is called a KIEV and it is a Russian copy of a Hasselblad. I did some snooping around web sites and asked friends and family and shoot... I was the higest bidder! I shot my first roll, and yesterday I got it back from the lab. All I can say at this point is WOW. I am gaga over this camera. I will blog more later on my thoughts of film VS digital, probably a great deal in my paper comming up, but for now I have to say I love medium format FILM.

Mentor Meeting

Met with my mentor Frank Ockenfels. I discovered the amazing, talented, creative, renagade, risk taker Frank in Santa Fe while taking the alternative process work shop after my residency. On the evening of the fourth of July we attended a slide show where three very talented photographers/teachers presented their work. I was somewhat dissapointed that we did not get to see fireworks, however after seeing Frank's work I realized I had seen something more visually stunning than any plain old fireworks ever could be. It was, in a word...amazing. To say he photographs celebrites is an understatement. He has shot more famous film and music superstars than I have ever seen. But it was not the celebrity line up that impressed me, it was Frank's superb lighting, and uncanny connection with his subjects that knocked me out. I marveled at the subtle lighting flecks and flashes in his images, and the interesting uncommon camera choices. It was not the slick Hollywood stuff you are use to looking at. He was teaching a portrait class that week, and his students were running around with box cameras and Home Depot lighting equiptment. On the final Friday night of the workshops, all the groups gather for a slide show and dinner party. Our group agreed the next day that (besides ours) we liked most of Frank's classes photos the best. I decided I would ask him to be my mentor because he got such fantastic results from his students. And since my focus this semester is portrait work I could not imagine a more inspiring portrait person. He agreed and we met at his studio/home in Encino, California.
Scared? Yeahhhhh, I drove the 57 miles up to LA and the entire way I ran through some basic question in my head, lighting...cameras...film...digital... oh crap I'm at his house and all I can think of are the words of Wayne and Garth "I'm not worthy"... Ding Dong. Door opens, small adorable boy darts away to his room and I'm all of a sudden sitting in the studio. BREATHE. Within moments I realize we speak the same crazy language. I showed him some of my work and we began talking about my "Nanny" project. The first thing Frank said was, do not limit yourself going into this by choosing one camera. He suggested I take all cameras I use best and do some tests. Pick two willing families and go back a few times and shoot some different styles. I was in full agreement. Below are some bullet points from my first visit:

• Pick 2 practice families
• Bring all cameras
• Look for LIGHT, available, canned, reflected
• Try shooting digital @ 100 asa, with tripod. saturate!
• Think about a slow shutter speed to show the movement of the kids
• Be aware of backgrounds in homes
• Look for similar chairs or furniture
• Keep an open mind, be open for anything
• Don't try to control too much
• Keep it happy

We set a time to meet again and before I left he gave me a BAG of outdated color tungsten 120 film and told me to go EXPRIMENT!
Ahhhhhhhhhh.

Do you know the way to Santa Fe?

In case no one noticed, I snuck out early from AIB to catch a flight to New Mexico early Sunday morning. I cleared this with Oliver and had him sign off on my semester plan of action and off I went. I had gone there last summer where I met Christopher James and I was hooked on alternative process printing immediately. For those of you who don't know the legend of
C James it is amazing. He is the Guru of alt. proc. and wrote THE book on it, he currently is the head of Photography at AIB and just an all around funny, brilliant, creative genius. A workshop with him is inspiring and I recommend it to all interested artists out there. He does them in summers at Maine workshops and Santa Fe workshops.
I was a bit apprehensive about this trip as I had thought I would maybe work with him and start my studio work there. But through the week at AIB my semester plans changed and I am going a different direction.
I arrived on Sunday and the minute I touched down in the desert I felt the warm air blow away any trepidations I might of had. My good friend Lisa picked me up and we drove the 45 min. drive up to SF. Oh yeah that 7000 foot altitude is a tiny bit tough to get use to. WATER is your friend.
A week of doing nothing but art is an amazing gift to yourself. It is so different than school where we have assignments and crits. As adults we really don't have a prolonged period of time to just concentrate on pure creative expression. I joined 9 other super cool and talented artists one is joining us in January at AIB one wants to apply, the others were all so cool and creative.
I worked on pinhole photos, we tried a very cool new albumen process, did Zia types, cyano types, made large sized digital negs and did some platinum. One of the highlights of the week was visiting Bostick & Sullivan and doing Carbon printing. They have been involved in the process for quite a while and we all got to do 2-3 prints each. I will post some of this work soon. The hand with the small chair that appears on my page was a digital photo and turned into a 3 color separation then printed with 4 passes of gum bichromate. A yellow layer, cyan, magenta then a last dark blue pass.
I had a blast, but I had been gone for 17 days and did miss my clan at home. So here I am back home starting to organize my study, read, firm up my mentor stuff and continue to create art.

Post Residency thoughts

Having just returned from my second residency at AIB I have mixed emotions. I knew the first day as I hung my work that it was not looking as substantial or polished as I would have liked. I honestly felt like much of it was inadequate. So sitting through days of critiques was difficult, because I agreed with most people, I needed a stronger presence in my work and content. Sometimes that's hard to hear over and over, but bottom line is I am in this program to learn, and I took it all in. I would have liked more clearly defined guidelines as to what work should look like when returning to a residency. I could have done many more larger prints with my photographs. However I felt like much of my work was early concepts and not really worthy of large glossy enlargements. I will admit I don't like the feeling of not being prepared, or appearing unorganized. However if I nailed it coming into the second semester I probably would not need the program. I was very happy to be part of a nice group of mostly photographers and we had some excellent crits. I was also very pleased to have Oliver get me on track and believe in my next semester's plan. I am working on a mentor in Los Angeles who is an amazing portrait photographer, I don't want to jinx it so I will post it when it happens. Stay Tuned for my adventures in Santa Fe...

My First Post

Welcome to my blog...I have just begun to write on the wall of cyber space so be patient. I know I will get rolling soon but as of this moment I don't have much to say.